Pregnancy Emotions

The other night nothing else was on so I ended up defaulting to watching MTV's 16 and Pregnant...BIG MISTAKE. It was the episode where the girl and her boyfriend opted to give their baby girl for adoption in order to provide her a life that they knew they couldn't. In my eyes that took a HUGE mature decision and something that shouldn't be taken lightly. They were able to do an open adoption...meaning they would still get pics and contact with the adoptive parents which is awesome. Not many adoptive parents will go for that because of the emotions and scare. I was crying so hard by the time it was over because to think that they made the toughest decision of their life and probably the saddest but that it would be the happiest day for those adoptive parents lives. It is just so heartwrenching to think of giving your baby up...especially being 36 weeks pregnant myself. Feeling this baby growing and moving inside me and then to go home without it would be the end of me personally. I think it took major maturity on their part and they shoudl be commended for doing what is best for them and their child. When I did social work seeing parents that saw that they couldn't give the child the life they deserve and for them to sign their rights over so that child could be adopted was probably the hardest thing to see. They struggled with that decision b/c they didnt want to appear to abandon them yet they knew they couldn't for some reason parent. Sadly parenting ISN'T something that just is natural for everyone...takes learning and patience, often not given to them. It's a sad cycle. Can you tell I miss my job at times :)

We have had so many friends and even family members deal with fertility issues. It's so hard to hear because there are NO words that you can give them...simply pray. These people struggling to make their family or add to their family is so gut wrenching and it seems so unfair b/c there are so many babies born to addicts, given up on doorsteps or simply mistreated yet people we know and love can't get a break and enjoy parenthood. Sometimes life doesn't make sense and it's hard. WHY WHY WHY?!

I know we are blessed to have our (soon to be) 2 boys. I know I am very fortunate to be a SAHM..although some days it might not seem like it. I get to be the one with my children during all their firsts and not worry about daycare workers not giving them the attention and love that i know they deserve. Shawn provides well for us and I am thankful each day for that opportunity to stay home because as the song says "It won't be like this for long". That song still makes me cry because it is so true. Before we know it James and Ethan will be off to college and I'll be going with them....hehe.

I am so thankful for our boys and know that God will take care of our needs and give me the strength when the time comes to be both mom and dad during the next deployment. Until then we'll be a family enjoying the little moments in life with eachother.