Small Glimpse into the Future

This weekend Shawn has been in the field doing the FTX with ROTC. don't you love acronyms for the Army stuff :). On Friday I told James that Daddy wouldn't be home for a few days b/c of work. Well Friday evening rolled around and James asked "when is daddy coming home?". To which I replied..."Daddy is doing the Army thing this weekend remember?" and James pretty much read my mind and said "I don't like the Army." The innocence of children is precious. So Saturday morning rolled around and James woke up nice and early at 6:30 a.m. and walked to Shawn's side of the bed and was shocked when it was just me and Ethan. Again I reminded him. I tried to occupy him by playing games and yes--even putting up the Christmas tree. But James wanted to talk to Shawn so I called Shawn hoping he'd answer and he did. James was excited to talk to him. Shawn got to sneak out and come home for about 45 minutes tonight so James so happy.

Of course at this time I asked Shawn if he was ready to go ahead and get out and look for civilian job. His reply with no hesitation...NO. He said in 12 years he can retire and he is very close to making Major in the near future. He knows that he will deploy and that it will be SO difficult on all of this time b/c neither of our boys will be "babies"....they both will understand and question where is daddy. But I also know if all soldiers got out because of deployments or missing family then we wouldn't have the strong army we have today. Sadly we won't be able to pick up the phone and call just to hear that voice. And worry will consume me on top of being a single parent during that time. This isn't the first time Shawn's spent the night or been away but I guess James is jsut noticing he is gone more b/c there are 2 kids now and it is SO hard to split my time. I go to bed exhausted and in tears a lot b/c i see that I lack in patience so much with them at times. Between Ethan's constant need to be held or he cries and James just wanting to play or swing it drains me. I have to learn to enjoy the little things because soon they'll be in school and I'll miss it. Granted I do NOT have the desire to have any more babies :). I love being a mom but I miss being an adult at times. I need my peace and quiet and lately it is few and far between.