Slowly Getting It

Wow..EThan is 9 weeks this week and it amazes me at how much he has changed. He is getting a personality and smiles in the morning that gives you that boost to keep going despite the lack of sleep from the night before. He is cooing and realizing he has a voice at times. A friend I know told me about this thing called "the miracle blanket" that swaddles them. At first I thought it was a bit harsh but I have noticed that he sleeps better when he is swaddled. We have had pretty good success with him in his crib at night but he wakes about 5:30 ready to wake!! WHOA so not ready for that so we have moved a full size mattress into his room so I can lay down while he looks around and eats as not to wake Shawn or Shawn sleeps in there :). Ethan is starting to look like his own...I still see a lot of James in him though. I am feeding every 3-4 hrs now and that is a bit easier. He sleeps a little better and all I can say is God knows when we have had enough and gives us that break. I am going to send EThan to MMO one day a month soon so I can clean this house slowly. He is still a very clingy baby so I don't get a lot done.

James is still enjoying his MMO and is SO smart. He can recognize certain letters and loves to ask the time so he can repeat it. I have worked with him on money and he can recognize quarters and pennies and tell you how much they are worth. He cracks me up sometimes b/c when he gets upset when I tell him he can't do something he squenches his nose at me, points and says "You're the mommy" like that is an insult ;) James is REALLY attaching to Shawn lately which is sweet but sometimes hard one me because I feel I am jilting him b/c I am always tending to Ethan. I guess Mother's Guilt. James loves to fish with SHawn and their special thing is fishing and getting a Shaved ice at the River. UNA has started their football season so on home games Shawn and I try to take James to the tailgating and the game for just James time :). HE makes it clear that Ethan is too small to come. So Ethan gets Maw Maw time. James is still trying us and is defiant but we know that we have to stay strong and show him the right way so that he doesn't end up out of control. It's tiring but we want himt o be a respectful child and adult later on in life. I hate when people chalk bad behavior up to "he's just being a boy". True boys are rowdier but they can be respectful on the same note. He is still so sweet and precious. WE are planning on taking him to Chattanooga for his bday in November so he can ride a real train. He deserves that day to be all about him.

I am slowly getting use to two children. I still have my breakdowns from exhaustion but I know God will see me thru and provide me the strength needed for these boys. I still find it so funny how much more lax I am with Ethan. I use to stay home a lot with JAmes b/c of fear of screaming and the need to eat. Sure EThan screams while out but I just take him out of his carrier hold him and feed him bottle if I have to. He still isn't fond of his carseat for long periods. Trip to HSV and he is ready to oome out. We just bought a Honda Minivan so that extra room is awesome especially for feedings where the world can't see in. I have always loved minivans and knew HOnda was my only desire. What can I say I"m a Honda Girl thru and thru!

Shawn's grad school is going good. He is doing great so far. He loves working at ROTC as well. But his true love here is still fishing. He is fishing on UNA's Bass Team and is fishing some ABA tournaments. He is really good at talking to the big wigs and putting things in motion. He makes the right connections. Sometimes I wish I were a fisherman and he'd communicate with me that way :)...hehehe. He is truly an awesome father and husband. He works hard to give us things both financially and emotionally.

Reflecting

September 11 has come and gone yet I still am struck with it's memories. I will never forget the day that our country came under attack. I was in class at UNA and remember coming down the stairs and seeing a mass of people watching the TV in pure silence. As I came to the end of the stairs, Shawn caught my eye with a look that made my stomach turn. As we rewatched the Towers come crashing down I almost lost it. I thought how could AMERICA come under such attack and where did that leave us? The innocent people who lost their lives that day. Shawn was doing ROTC but also was SMP with National Guard in FLorence. AS we walked he told me that there might be a slight chance he would have to go immediately overseas to defend the country. We were not engaged at this time (it would come a month later) but I still knew he was the one God sent for me to have forever. My heart sank at the thought of him leaving and wondering if he'd return. AT that time though I didn't know exactly what being an Army wife entailed but got a snippet of what it might. Thankfully he didn't have to go at that time.

Now 8 years later and 2 deployments under the belt it brings a whole new meaning to "Proud to be an American". My husband is one of the ones who defends our freedom. He does it so selflessly and without complaint. He works long hours and never complains or fails to do his "duties" around the house.

The first deployment to Iraq we had about 2 weeks to prepare ourselves for that first deployment. I wasn't sure what to expect except lonliness and worry. The Batallion Commander dropped the bomb on us at the Christmas Hail and Farewell. Shawn had clued me in earlier that day so I was not as shocked as others but the news was so hard to swallow. At that time I had only been working at DSS for 3 months, no kids so that was a blessing at the time. I met one of my dearest friends in NC during that time. She kept me sane during that time. She was one of the few non-military friends there I made. She was awesome. She'll never know how much her friendship meant to me during that difficult time and in the times to come.

When Shawn was in Afghanistan he missed the first year of James life which I know was hard but he also knew he had to go in order to ensure James safety and freedoms at home.Shawn initially left thinking 12 month deployment and later was extended 15 months. Some say oh that is only 3 more months. Until you have been there you don't know what 3 months, 90 days means. That means 90 days of sickness of worry, praying he'll return home in one piece. Praying that he not see so much that he isn't able to return home to a normal life. When Shawn left James was 2 months old, when he returned he was 17 months old. Shawn missed all the firsts with him. We have so many friends whose husbands are deployed right now and my heart aches for them. We know that Shawn is "safe" for 2 years but we know next duty station will more than likely deploy him again...we are not nieve. Part of me feels guilty having my husband home while so many are gone but then I remember that was me just a year and a half ago. While Shawn is here I wonder how I did raise James alone for 15 months while being away from family? All i can say is God gave me strength and a wonderful baby. Sure it was hard but I learned so much about myself and had to branch out and meet people. I met wonderful wives who were going thru the same things I was. The sitting by the phone and computer waiting for them to call or IM. Shawn was involved in heavy firefights and battles in Afghanistan the entire time. Although he was Signal his experience as Infantry officer landed him on the ground Commanding an Infantry unit. It was gut wrenching anytime I heard news on the TV about things and then not hearing from him for days. ANytime a battle occured all communication with "outside world" was cut off until all clear.

the day he left and the day he returned
I am so proud of my husband and all our soldiers who are serving so that we can be free. People take things for granted and it is sad. I just hope that we can enjoy these next 2 years together because we know that we will be seperated too many more times to count in the next 13 years. YES 13 LONG years left but he enjoys his job.

Juggling Act

Whew! It's been a while since I have had time to update. Things are so crazy lately. Ethan cries A LOT...we think he has colic and reflux which stinks for all of us. Of course I am the only one going w/o sleep...Shawn and James could sleep through a hurricane :). Ethan is now 5 weeks old and is filling out and changing so much. James is doing so much better with him and is the adoring big brother. He kisses him, holds his hand in the car while he screams and proudly tells anyone that he is Ethans Big Brother. It's so sweet to see them together and just imagine what the future has to hold for our two boys.

This past weekend we joined our 9 year old niece, Delaine, as she was baptized. It was such a joyous time and I just pray that we can help our boys learn the importance of God in their life. I am not usually an emotional person in public but my eyes welled up with tears as she was raised back up from the water. She is such a sweet little girl. We visited Delaine the day she was born which for us is a rare thing with our moves. She is a special and sweet little girl for sure.


James started MMO at church this week and seems to really enjoy it. He needs that outlet b/c I am often so tied up with Ethan I don't have as much time as i would like with James. That still is the hardest part for me...not giving James my attention 100% like I use to do. James will ask me to come build with him and no sooner do I leave the room Ethan starts screaming. James gets put on back burner so to say and it kills me. I still cry at night b/c I miss our time we use to have. James also has started attending Puggles (AWANA's) at our church on Wednesday nights. He loves it!! He can't wait for Wednesday b/c he knows this is Puggles day!! He loves to learn about God and Jesus which is so exciting to see in him!

Ethan...well right now he cries, pees poops and sometimes sleeps. He isn't on a schedule, which for those who know me is killing me!!!! I won't lie..having 2 is very difficult and I just think that James was so perfect. i was content with 1 but am blessed with our 2 beautiful boys. Just the lack of sleep lately has really taken its toll on me. We have started letting Ethan sleep on us to ensure that we get some sleep....probably not the best idea but when you are starved for sleep you will do anything. We are transitioning him to his bed by 2 months I hope.

I am so blessed to be a SAHM because I honestly don't see how people go to work after being up all night and function!! I know tha ti could do it if it came to that but I am thankful that it hasn't as of now. Do i miss social work..sure. But will I regret staying home and watching my babies grow?ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! It's a blessing to have the chance. Shawn works hard and has a very demanding, dangerous job most of the time. He is a great provider for us and am thankful for him. We are enjoying these 2 years because it will go fast!